yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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