Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He shit in the fireplace
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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