im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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