He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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