Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize