yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think I just sharted jello shots
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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