I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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