im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize