I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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