I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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