you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize