Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Pooping to opera.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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