i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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