Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize