Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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