Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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