My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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