She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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