I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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