You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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