just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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