I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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