We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize