Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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