note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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