im about as happy as oj after his trial
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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