Im at strip club and am horny
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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