Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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