I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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