If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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