First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize