So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize