Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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