His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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