I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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