Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
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If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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