If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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