Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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