he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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