I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize