I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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