i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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