Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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