I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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