Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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