Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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