what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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