I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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