I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize