are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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